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Tag Archives: public transport

i keep on falling…

02 Friday Dec 2011

Posted by lakshmistar in life, pregnancy

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

falling, paranoia, pregnancy, public transport

so, this morning i walked out of my apartment with just enough time to catch the train, but i still stood there for a moment, before i stepped out into the rain and thought, “do i have time to run back upstairs and get my umbrella??” sadly, the answer was no.

but even worse than getting my head wet (which i certainly did), i was wearing my cowboy boots, which have literally no tread on them. in fact, i can pretty much guarantee that if there’s a teeny bit of water on the ground, or god forbid, ice, i will slip and i will fall.

the worst thing is that i’ve been simply terrified of falling in general lately. every time i stub my toe or almost run into something or, god forbid, walk down the stairs, this sort of deep dread grips me and doesn’t let me go until i’m safely sitting on the train or comfortably lodged inside my own house.

this fear is the worst when i’m walking along the train platform and i imagine the teenage boys smoking to my left bumping me off the platform, and me ending up down on the tracks.

and, of course, in reality, i’ve never fallen off any train platforms. nor have i ever been pushed down the stairs. and thus far, i haven’t sustained any serious injuries from a stubbed toe, and neither have i found myself any clumsier for being pregnant (at least as far as i know), but i think that i’ve gotten incredibly paranoid – as evidenced by my ridiculously realistic imaginings of the business man behind me rushing forward and pushing me down, trampling me in his mad dash (to get where, i’m not sure) and leaving me lying there, alone and in pain.

in all of these situations, whether it’s me falling or me being pushed, my hands instantly fly to my belly and i think: the baby! and this nervous fluttering overtakes me as i try to keep myself from picturing the horrific possibilities of me landing right on my stomach, which isn’t really even big enough to create any sort of complications, i imagine. and to be honest, my mom actually fell off her horse when she was quite a bit pregnant with me and i’m fine… (though, she really shouldn’t have been riding a horse and my father, as i hear it, was just furious)

anyway, somehow i managed to make it to the teacher’s lounge in the sprachzentrum (about a fifteen minute walk from the train station), where i needed to make a photocopy, and then all the way back across the station to my class, getting completely wet along the way. and of course, once i got to my class, i remembered that one of my students wasn’t able to make it today and so, of course, i hadn’t even needed the photocopy in the first place.

of course i was frustrated, but as long as i don’t fall, i don’t really mind. if this paranoia keeps getting worse, though, i probably won’t leave the house. ever. and i’ll make my husband get me everything. i’ll make him move the tv into the bedroom, and every morning he’ll have to set up my breakfast, lunch and snacks by the side of my bed and i suppose i’ll just have to take the risks of crossing the hall occasionally to use the toilet. but we’ll see about that last part.

ps. i’m almost fifteen weeks! and sort of showing! update to follow soon; right now i have to go to an unpaid, three hour, mandatory meeting that i’m obviously really looking forward to. sigh.

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trains

19 Tuesday Jul 2011

Posted by lakshmistar in ex-pat, life

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Tags

expat, germany, public transport, trains, traveling

last tuesday i went to a book club meeting (very proud of myself, even spoke up in the group, despite the old panic attack reflex) and was debating between spending the day in köln before our evening class, or returning home and then going to class with james later. i decided to come back home as i had nothing to do, really, and it was threatening to rain and i was wearing my hippie-pants and flip-flops and didn’t have my very cute umbrella with me. so, i walked back to hbf and caught the train.

i was reading a book (one of those damn amelia peabody egyptian mysteries i’m embarrassed to say i read yet can’t ever put down) and suddenly looked up to find that i had been sitting in mülheim for some time now. of course, there are times when the train sits at a station or at some random point on the tracks for a few minutes longer than normal, but i realized that it had been even longer. there was a girl sitting behind me with her headphones in, who i believe realized the same thing at the same time. she leaned towards me and said, “entschuldigung…”, which is of course the only thing i understood. i made my apologetic face and said, “sorry, ich spreche kein deutsch”. she nodded and i went back to my book.

after a bit, i looked up, astonished that we still hadn’t moved and it dawned on me that someone had been speaking over the loudspeaker repeatedly for the past few minutes and i looked around to see that there was no one on the train anymore. sheepishly, i put my book away and got off. a man was walking quickly up and down the platform, checking each carriage to make sure there was no one inside. i asked him if he spoke english, to which he replied, of course, “a little”. he informed me (in very good english) that the train was turning around and going back to köln. so, i got off and sat down and waited.

after a bit, i checked the train times on my phone, only to discover that all the trains going my direction had been canceled. it was at this point that i remembered that i was starving. i had eaten a “muffin light” at starbucks at 9 o’clock that morning and it was coming up on 2 o’clock and i was getting concerned. i contemplated crossing the tracks, running down the hill and jumping the fence to get to the kaufland opposite the station, but i was sure that the instant i did that, a train would come. i checked the train times going back towards köln, only to discover that they were all canceled as well. i messaged james. his answer: take the bus.

the bus? i thought, i don’t even know where a bus would be around here, let alone which bus goes home or to the city center. sigh. completely unhelpful. of course, this whole time they are making announcements over the loudspeaker, telling me important information that i needed to know, but didn’t understand. and i’m getting hungrier and hungrier. and then i remembered that if i walked to the end of the platform and down the stairs and around, i’d come upon the u (metro). ha. new to this city indeed. i did just that, arriving very shortly in appelhofplatz and sitting down to lunch at a lovely thai café and resuming my book. i also discovered a gorgeous kitchen/household shop that had many hand-made, bespoke items. of course, i have no clue what it was called, but i think just maybe, i might even be able to find it again.

it started really raining on my walk to class, and i felt a little silly in flip-flops, but hey. what can you do. james said on his way to class, he saw a bunch of police at the mülheim station. still no clue what went on that afternoon.

things said

  • pinterest review #1: banana pancakes
  • sleep regression
  • silly mommy (or daddy) take one
  • when nodding and smiling don’t work…
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