yes, it’s been awhile since i’ve posted. or done anything, in fact. but you can’t possibly know that (as i haven’t posted). apparently, there’s this thing called a four month sleep regression. there’s also one at eight months. let’s just say i think that lucas is just gonna keep on going from one right on through the other. which is totally awesome.
no, that’s a lie. it isn’t awesome. it isn’t even close to awesome.
i thought that having a child here in germany would make it easier for me. you know, mommy & me groups and what not. i’d meet friends, i’d have a reason to walk and get out more and i’d have a purpose here. not so. i do get out a lot, that’s true and i have joined the american women’s club mommy & me group, so for two hours a week, it seems like i have friends. but the truth? i do not. and i spend most of my day sat on my sofa in my pajamas crying. sobbing actually. why? i’m exhausted.
lucas was never a great sleeper, but he was little and he was predictable and it was getting better. until it wasn’t. and it got worse. and it hasn’t stopped. he’s impossible to put to sleep, he usually won’t sleep longer than 2 hour stretches – maybe there will be one 3 hour stretch a night, if i’m lucky. and he fights it. it is so hard to get him to sleep.
what’s the worst part of all of this? i’m alone. completely and utterly alone.*** yes, all those mommies that i meet with are great and helpful and nice and there are people i have (had) coffee with that are “friends”, but no one that i would invite over to my house while still in my pajamas and the kitchen being a mess, which is when i need friends after all. no one that i could possibly call up and say, “come over, i need a nap”.
***i think my husband would take offense at this, or at the very least, it would make him really sad. i am not alone, really, he is the best and is extremely helpful and is right there with me getting annoyed at our son.
i have nothing else to say, really, which is why i haven’t posted. i’m too exhausted to be clever, to homesick to be interesting and feeling too sorry for myself to talk about anything else.
hopefully this too shall pass.
and baby makes three 
Oh Laura, you poor thing! Exhaustion is such a horrible fog, and everything sounds so frustrating. It will definitely get better, much much better. Elena’s been sleeping on her own so well for so long now that I’m terrified for 4-1/2 months from now when I start over with number 2. We never had the heart to do any sleep training but there were a couple things I told myself that helped me fight my natural slavish mom instinct: I tried to keep in mind that they need to be able to learn to soothe themselves to sleep; and once they’re a little older it’s only up to us to provide the right conditions for sleep, not to make them. Good luck! Hugs!
You are bringing back horrible memories of the first few months for me (and it was never near that bad for us), but i remember breaking down sobbing and saying i couldn’t take this anymore. That was probably after only 2 or 3 days of no sleep, I can’t imagine what YOU are going through. I know you’ve surely tried everything you can imagine so I don’t have any advice, just sending hugs and wishing it gets better for you.
I have nominated you for the Liebster award because I enjoy reading your blog! http://growingittybitty.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/liebster-blog-award/