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well, i’ve apparently become very insular in my pregnancy. i haven’t blogged, either here or on my “regular” blog, i haven’t really been in communication with a lot of my friends and i really feel like i’ve just been sitting at home growing the baby (which apparently takes a lot of concentration for me). it sounds as if that could be out of depression or somehow negative, but it really hasn’t been.

my husband had the past two weeks off (because we were going to go to south africa for our belated honeymoon, but decided that would be too much – something we’re very excited about holding over the baby’s head for years to come) and we spent the first week at home, just being together. we watched silly movies, took walks along the river and just spent a lot of very simple time together and then this past week, we went to his dad’s house in england, which was also nice – though my in-laws don’t really understand the term “lactose-intolerant” and think that i’m making it up (i’m already testing their british tolerance just by being a vegetarian from california), so i pretty much felt even queasier and gassier than before, which i didn’t think was possible.

the weather here could be partially responsible for my hibernation. i was really looking forward to a german autumn, since spring was so surprising and lovely (being from southern california, i’m still new to “seasons”), but unfortunately we’ve gone straight from a rainy and miserable summer to winter. or so it seems. yes, there are leaves on the ground, but even that happens in san diego. i was expecting more: bursts of reds and oranges, beautiful sunsets… everything i’ve ever seen from photographs of the east coast. instead, it’s really just cold, dark really early and sort of bleak in general. sigh.

i am now eleven weeks pregnant and i think that it’s really become “real” to both my husband and i. we are both getting more excited and thinking of it all in terms of our real future. we’ve starting talking about names and have quickly discovered that there may be something to not telling anyone the name we decide on – people are very vocal about their opinions and will be quick to hate a name that you are starting to love, which i find sort of rude.

our last scan was two weeks ago and we saw the heartbeat then. we didn’t hear it, but we could see it and it was crazy. i mean, it seemed like the heart took up half of the baby and like it was so strong for such a little thing. i think that was the start of it being real. his mother asked if we cried, and i sort of felt guilty because we didn’t. but it’s all still such a new thing, it’s taking us a bit longer than normal to process every little step. we were at the doctor’s, saw the heartbeat, were told that everything looked fine, and then came home and maybe around dinner time, hours later, we started to kind of say to each other: “wow, we saw the heartbeat today!” talk about delayed reactions.

after the last scan is when i had planned on telling my grandmothers and my aunt, however i discovered that my mother has not been able to contain her excitement and has told EVERYONE. and i do mean everyone: her personal trainer, friends, people from church, my chiropractor and acupuncturist (who are both family friends as well) and i don’t even know who else. while i appreciate that she’s excited, it’s a bit annoying considering i hadn’t even told my best friend. to be fair, though, it was actually my dad who told his mother and his sister, both of whom i was very excited about telling. while i do understand how excited they are, i am still annoyed that i wasn’t able to tell them myself. and that everyone else i know already knows.

my mother says that she’s going to be a grandmother and she’s just too excited and it’s her right to tell, to which i replied that now that we know that, we just might not tell her when it comes to baby #2 (which my husband gets a panic attack just thinking about – “oh my god,” he says, “let’s just try and get through this one first.”).

it’s amazing to think that our first trimester is almost finished. we have our next doctor’s appointment a week from this wednesday and at that point, we’ve decided we can start telling people. or, rather, not “not telling” people as we’ve pretty much already told most of the people we want to tell individually.

i’m also hoping i’ll start feeling better. i have been absolutely exhausted, pretty much nauseas and queasy all the time (but i have only thrown up twice and haven’t been violently ill or anything), constipated and gassy (tmi?) and really, really happy and in love – with my baby, with myself for being able to grow a life and especially, with my husband who has been such a fabulous support system and so helpful. he’s already being a great daddy and taking care of his baby and his baby momma.

hopefully i’m ready to stop hibernating and re-join society/online society now.

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