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i had planned to go to milan a long time ago (when i first got the email about the tori amos night of hunters tour) and was so excited about it; italian food and tori amos: perfection! excited, that is, until i found out i was pregnant. i was still excited, but also nervous and unsure of everything as i read conflicting stories on the internet about whether or not it was actually okay to fly during the first trimester.

in the end, i decided that it was probably safe. my doctor here basically looked confused when i asked her whether or not i should go, which led me to believe that possibly it was just one of those things that neurotic americans (like me) freak out about. and on top of that, a lot of what i read on the internet basically said that the reason one shouldn’t travel is because if a miscarriage does occur, then it would be more difficult to deal with so far from home. wtf? i can’t imagine any location, my own bed included, that would make that okay.

i was feeling pretty good about it all. i realize my last post was a bit, um, negative… but since then, my spirits had been raised quite a bit. i spoke to my therapist, who had a baby here, and she made me feel a lot better about not speaking german. after all, as she said, what’s going on in my body is just that: inside me. it has nothing to do with any language or anything around me, just me, my husband and the new little one growing inside me. and though it will honestly be more difficult for me, it is okay for me to feel that way, too.

so, feeling better, i woke up at stupid o’clock in the morning to take a train to the düsseldorf airport. seriously, it was like 4.00am or some time that not too long ago i used to associate with coming home after a particularly good night out, NOT one that i ever thought i’d be waking up at. normally, though, i’m pretty good at the inconveniences of traveling. i usually hate waking up in general and am most definitely not a morning person (if that could be called “morning”), but once i’m up, i’m up. and thus can function pretty well on fairly little sleep.

apparently that isn’t true at seven weeks pregnant. i had an amazingly difficult time getting up, making it to the train, riding the train (i’ve heard of morning sickness while pregnant, but motion sickness? what’s up with that?) and dealing with both eating that early in the morning or not eating and feeling nauseated. through all that, i was still feeling optimistic. after all, we were going to milan! to see tori amos!

then the turbulence kicked in. aside from my first trip to london at fifteen years of age (which i barely remember), this was the worst flight i’ve ever been on. i couldn’t close my eyes, i couldn’t read or concentrate on any pictures, i definitely couldn’t look outside or speak or really do anything but stare aimlessly at the chair in front of me and try my best not to throw up (the whole time wondering if it wouldn’t be better if i did throw up).

when we landed in milan, we realized how far away from the city malpensa aeroporto really is. so we had to take an hour long bus. that’s right, an hour. and of course by the time we got up to the bus, it was almost full and we had to sit in the back. so, another hour of trying my best not to throw up.

we checked into our hotel and went off in search of lunch, which didn’t make me feel any better at all. and even though the duomo looked amazing and i was so excited to be in italy, i just had to go back to the hotel and sleep. or something.

and it just continued that way. i was exhausted and sick for most of the weekend and we spent all morning (both saturday and sunday) just lazing about the hotel. which was fine. we had a great time together and even though we didn’t do as much as i would have liked, we still experienced milan — and i still had the best spaghetti pomodoro ever.

tori amos, however, was fantastic. and absolutely worth all the sickness and trouble it caused. however, my husband, who is not really my ideal tori partner anyway (but definitely my ideal travel buddy), took a nap midway through the concert. at least he didn’t snore or anything and in fact, i didn’t even notice because i couldn’t take my eyes off her!

i’m still sort of recovering from the trip and finally, after work and everything else, i’ve been sitting on the sofa for the past few hours eating subway and watching glee. i should have been cleaning and going grocery shopping (there’s nothing in the house, which only contributes to my feeling nauseated morning, noon and night), but luckily i have a fantastic husband who told me that i should stop apologizing for not doing those things, because the only thing he cares about is that i am healthy, happy and comfortable and so is the little doofus.

tori’s last song before the encores (though this version is live from a different tour):

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