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we (i) couldn’t handle it anymore and we told my sister-in-law. which was exciting, but more so (for me) because it meant i could call my mother.

it started because that day, his sister got a call from a friend of hers who had just had a baby and they were doing testing because they think the baby has down’s syndrome. she talked to her friend for awhile, and got off the phone and came back into the living room, really upset. and we talked about it for a little bit, all the while, i was basically having a heart attack. i realize now what my friend who recently had a baby meant when she said that she just didn’t want to hear anything about any bad news stories while she was pregnant. they are just too much. you already worry so much about anything and everything – hearing those stories just make it too scary.

so, anyway, her and i talked about that and i tried my best not to cry. and in trying not to cry, i realized just how much i wanted to talk to my mom about everything and also, that i wanted to be able to talk to my husband. every night for the past week, we’ve been talking in whispers just before we went to sleep and a bit in the morning, but not for too long. he’s been working all week and i’ve been exhausted, so there hasn’t been much time.

finally, on her last night, we went out to dinner and told her. it’s a bit strange, i guess, telling people news like that.

it’s so exciting, but at the same time, it doesn’t really mean much at this point. i mean, to us it does, but it’s still quite new. she said her congratulations, of course, and then we started talking about baby names and somehow, her and her brother, my husband, both fixated on the name winston. which is an alright name, but i think it’s better for a dog, or a pig.

since then, though, my husband has been talking to my belly, calling the little doofus “winston” in a very bad jamaican accent.

he’s pretty sure it’s a boy now. the first few days, i was sure it was a girl, and then i started thinking boy. now i think girl again. i’m sure that’s normal. we are both totally fine with either. at times, i think i want a girl and at times a boy. either way, we’re just focused on healthy. though i think secretly my husband wants a boy. watching the rugby and then the football this morning, he kept making comments to “winston” about this or that play, and which player is good, obviously very excited to share his love for sport with someone (not me).

what’s lovely about it all is not the accent or the name, but him talking to the baby. this is what i missed while his sister was visiting.

after we got home from dinner where we told his sister, we got home and called our parents on skype. first, i called my mother and she was, of course, excited – and surprised. we had obviously talked about kids and what our initial thoughts were on the subject and my parents knew that we were thinking about waiting at least until after our honeymoon (which is at the end of october). but they were still happy. while i was on the phone with my mom, my dad called her, so i got to talk to him as well (my mom and i through skype and my dad on speakerphone on my mom’s cell phone).

i think telling people, especially possibly his mum, made it all real to james. he’s definitely more into it now – though when telling his mum and his sister, he said “probably pregnant”. just because i haven’t been to the doctor yet. forget about the fact that my period is two weeks late, i’m completely feeling pregnant and that i’ve taken two home pregnancy tests, he needs to hear it from someone official (which will happen on wednesday).

my mom said she’d send me some books, which i can’t wait to get. i was going to order some on amazon.de, but james said i should maybe wait until the doctor (of course).

the biggest questions i have at this point is traveling. we are supposed to go to milan next friday (flying) and then to south africa at the end of october. i’ve heard conflicting things about air travel during the first trimester.

i am a little disappointed that i can’t do the wine tour we had planned in south africa, but i really, really hope that we can still safely go – without me worrying and panicking about everything.

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