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i loved my wedding, and i loved everyone for coming to my wedding, but i seriously feel a huge pressure to thank people in a way that adequately shows my gratitude. and suddenly, i have this strange inability to express myself – and this is one of the most important things to express! but how do you say thank you to the people who were a part of such a huge day? and not just a day, such a major process in one’s life? i just found myself turning, “we love you very much for” into “we love you very much (forever)” because i had accidentally written “for” in an already ridiculous card that doesn’t even come close to expressing what i’d like to say to jennifer, my wonderful best friend and maid-of-honor (and her husband), but i really don’t want to rewrite it because i’m making them myself and apparently, my gratitude only goes so far (and i cheaply only printed the right amount of photos).

getting married in general (not just the aftermath) is interesting when you’re a neurotic perfectionist. for example, i am still having a hard time sleeping because we don’t have a picture of my family and his family together or a really good landscape-esque shot with him and i kissing as the sun sets over the ocean (which would have been difficult, considering we weren’t married by the ocean – and now that i think about it, why weren’t we married by the ocean??). i also still cringe at the thought of our gorgeously antiquey and whimsical ‘photo booth’ area – which was entirely forgotten (except by two of my friends and my parents). i can barely even write about it, to be honest. i made my parents bring all these strange things that i found in our garage (i mean, a crystal ball that my dad got in china! who has that at all, let alone in their wedding photos?) and set them up in the lovely hall right outside our reception. we made signs for the table that reminded guests that directly after dinner, one of our photographers would be sitting by the booth waiting to take all our portraits. and yet still, i didn’t even remember until the next day at breakfast on the resort, jennifer (my best friend and maid-of-honor) said she was disappointed not to have taken advantage of it and my heart dropped just a little bit. how could i have so completely forgotten about it??

i also regret the things that i’m sure every girl (except for those that are confident, non-superficial, and what i see as “normal”, sadly) sort of does/would after their “big day”. first of all, i failed on my diet for weeks beforehand (in fact, i went to pizza port with some friends the weekend before my wedding and my friend jana said, “oh my god, i can’t believe you’re drinking that! i didn’t drink beer for months before my wedding!” which made me start for a second – should i be drinking this?? the answer, of course, was no.). i also forgot to put on my “real” shoes during our first dance, meaning all of the photos show us gazing lovingly into each others eyes while i’m wearing CORAL FLIP-FLOPS. embarrassing. especially because my shoes were awesome.

i didn't upload any shots of us dancing where you could see my shoes on our wedding photo site... i was too angry with myself.

seriously, check out those shoes

but, in the “thank you card” vein, i’d like to focus more on what i don’t lie awake at night wishing i could change about my wedding. first and foremost being my mother. my mother was so fantastic during the entire planning process – from handling phone calls and getting addresses to actually putting together and mailing out every single invitation. planning a wedding from another country is incredibly difficult and i couldn’t have done it without my mother’s love and support but more importantly, it wouldn’t have come together so well if she weren’t exactly my opposite where it counts. while i like to research and research and nitpick and nitpick until i’ve found the perfect _________ (insert any word here – in this case: dj, photographer, cake… the list goes on and on), my mother has absolutely zero patience for this sort of thing. our conversations would go something like:

  • me: yeah, la costa is a great resort, but i’m sure we can find somewhere a bit less expensive and i contacted the steele canyan golf club…
  • mom: (interrupting) i think we should just do it at la costa.
  • me: yeah? well, it was nice… but then i was thinking you know, i’ve always loved balboa park. can you imagine getting married at the prado? of course, that’d be more expensive…
  • mom: (interrupting) i think we should just do it at la costa.
  • me: you think?
  • mom: yes, i’ll send them a check now. done.

our ceremony was also great, except that it was a little bit too long (one guest actually called the officiant a windbag) and i did NOT appreciate him reading out word-for-word my embarrassing answer to what first attracted me to james (or as i like to call it, my ode to the british accent) – but we’re focusing on the good bits here. the best part of the ceremony for james was his sister fainting in the middle of it all, as he will always be able to make fun of her for it (she is a tough-ass chick, having had those two as her older brothers her whole life). and one of the best parts for me was my father and brother singing for us. of course, my brother was a little annoyed that he didn’t get to wear his cool jacket in the ceremony. though to be honest, he never asked me if he could wear it and i might have said yes. he really looks like wickham or one of the other captains from pride & prejudice (except that it isn’t red), and i don’t see how that could be anything but good. but somehow he managed to go on (avec hat, of course – both my dad and my brother have a bit of a non-conformist streak) and it was really special and lovely. i had really wanted to have a cello player in the ceremony, but my brother and father singing the beatles (in my life – which i had sort of always thought i would have played at my funeral. that might be weird now.) ended up being even better.

ok, my real favorite part of the ceremony though was james crying and keeping his face so stern because he was uncomfortable crying in front of that many people, especially at the “why i love him” part. i surprised myself a bit by not crying, and james was surprised that my dad didn’t cry, but in the end, we both said the same thing: i was just happy! there was nothing to cry about.

one thing that i cannot stop talking about was my dress. not only was it gorgeous (and really really tight, which is why i shouldn’t have been drinking beer OR having pizza the weekend before), but it had a pink tulle petticoat underneath. the dj told me it was one of the top three dresses he’d ever seen – which made me wonder, did he just say the number three off the top of his head, or does he actually keep a list of his top wedding dresses? either way, i took it as a well-deserved compliment. i don’t really think i can ever dance the same again. what is the point if i can’t shake my big skirt around and show a little flash of pink every now and then? it just breaks my heart that it is still in california becauseĀ my husband, in the first of what i’ve been told will be many disappointments, made me leave it behind (to be fair, he was right – we had already filled all of our suitcases with the rest of my books). and, if it is all my parents bring me when they come to visit in december, then i will consider it the best christmas present ever. i will be one of those ladies who cleans their house in their wedding dress.

and then of course, everyone’s favorite part of every wedding: the flower girl. my little “niece” (after all, her mom, sashi and i have been as close as sisters since we were two) very carefully placed the petals down in the aisle and took her job so seriously that when she ran out almost at the end, she kept going and just pretended to be throwing petals. talk about a professional.

i also loved that our dj (who didn’t know any of my ‘weird’ music) played laid, by james, one of my favorite songs ever, before the official first dance and my friend marissa ran over to me and asked if we were allowed to dance (i can just hear the violent femmes: “when i say dance, you best dance mother f***er!”). i think he felt a little bad because we weren’t supposed to be dancing before the official dancing portion of the evening began – but i didn’t care! in fact, i didn’t care about anything on that day. people kept asking me, “what about this?” or “what should we do about that?” and i just didn’t care! it is the only day in my life that that has ever happened. it’s like the control freak in me was put to sleep or something and i just didn’t mind. no matter what happened, i was having a fantastic time. best ever, in fact.

other things that i am thankful for:

thanks to sashi for bringing the champagne and to elle for being fun to drink champagne with

the girls: jennifer (best friend), lisa (godsister) and bethan (sister-in-law)

to all my friends who sent me postcards from around the world for our table centerpieces

thanks to all those who STOPPED me from drinking red wine all night (i would have spilled it all over myself eventually)

the gorgeous, gorgeous flowers

my beautiful but broke pdx friends who came down

to everyone and especially my husband for such a glorious day and such a beauty-filled life

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